Climbing

[pyraxis]

We got to take jimnightmare and 47 (yonjuunana) climbing today.

:)

It was the biggest difference I got to see between them, or maybe the one we were most in tune with. Jim has his own voice but he can't really use it yet, and I get so fried out on verbal conversation anyway that I can't guide it well enough to lead him out.

But Daria was watching the whole time, amidst the shell of 47 and her awkward robot movements and autopilot, for the things she knows are there. And in the middle of this cavernous warehouse space, all beams and plywood and ropes and rock music - with Jim standing there in a climbing harness and his blue heart t-shirt - the only disorienting part of the picture was that his hair should have been black with a blue streak, not pale gold.

47 moves awkwardly, one step at a time, freezes up and dissolves into autopilot laughter just a few feet up the wall. But Jim launches himself right up, and if his robot body is clumsy, sheer speed catapults him through. If he hadn't burned out halfway, he would have hit the top of one of the tallest walls in the place.

(Damnit, Daria, why did you tell him only halfway up the palm tree? Just a little more uza....
Don't make me say it. It's condescending in any words.)

And that's the heart of it. What kind of watered-down place teaches people that trying hard is forbidden? It's girls, mostly, but some guys too, geeks and emos and what-have-you. What kind of messed up system puts kids through ten years of compulsory gym and still spits out people that don't know how to use their bodies, how to pace themselves, how to develop strength, how to stand confidently in it? Growing up autistic you get a rough-and-tumble education in endurance, burnout, overload, meltdown - all the parts of long-term sensory management. But you're working silently, with your own unique set of limitations that aren't even visible or comprehensible to people who rely on a conventional understanding of how eyes and ears and brain cells are supposed to operate. Why doesn't that confidence-through-experience translate into normal situations?

Comments

[yonjuunana.livejournal.com]

:)

The thing that stood out most to me was when he fell off briefly and didn't care. When I was climbing, the whole way up I was thinking along the lines of "I just need to make sure I don't fall, that would be really scary". I'm a perfectionist and I don't like falling. When I was at the top of the slanted wall and thought I was stuck and wanted to go back down, it was because I thought there were no more moves I could make that didn't have the possibility of me slipping off of them. That's the main thing he talked me through and got me to try anyway. And then he goes so fast he falls off the dang wall and he doesn't care. XD He thought it was funny. When I got back down and fully switched back I actually had a bit of a delayed-reaction "omg we fell off, scary!" adrenaline rush moment.

My arms are sore this morning. XD

[pyraxis]

I actually probably got in the way when you were doing the class, they're supposed to make you take a fall just so you get used to the sensation. It's another practice effect though, because you kind of have to fall when you're coming down normally. You just lean back against the rope and rest the bottom of your feet against the wall (and trust that you're really putting yourself in the hands of the person at the bottom).

Yay for adrenalin and soreness. :) And the fact that you came even though it's not really your thing.

[yonjuunana.livejournal.com]

they're supposed to make you take a fall just so you get used to the sensation

I probably wouldn't even have liked doing that, either. XD

you kind of have to fall when you're coming down normally

Yeah, I actually didn't like coming down very much. Jim thought it was fun, though.

Re: What you said about gym class- Yeah, I rarely ever enjoyed gym. Being awkward and clumsy, I was more of a liability in team sports than anything (although I actually was on a soccer team for a while due to Jessie nagging me to join her, and after a few years of completely sucking, grew to be at least a decent defense position player). So it always seemed like gym classes were divided into "kids who were naturally good at sports and enjoyed the class" and "awkward kids like me who were just struggling to keep up" and it wasn't particularly good for self-confidence or making me enjoy physical activity. I'm not sure how it could have been changed to better suit my learning style, but I'm sure there could be a way somehow. I took a PE class in high school where a quarter was spent on swimming and loved it- I always feel less awkward in the water. I think I disconnect from my body as both a sensory defense tactic and because I naturally don't have good proprioception. I've been surprised about how much I've enjoyed trying to do situps and pushups at home most days, though.

[jimnightmare.livejournal.com]

Damnit, Daria, why did you tell him only halfway up the palm tree? Just a little more uza....

XD! Well you did what you said.

I dunno if uza can beat us still being a noodly person. It was like our arms just kinds stopped working there and wouldn't move anymore. But we've got this big freaking exercise machine at home now that looks like a dinosaur and I totally want to try using it now!

[pyraxis]

Hahahaha, I guess it won't, it just helps.

How does it look like a dinosaur, does it have eyes and a tail?

[jimnightmare.livejournal.com]

No, but it should! :D It's just real big and menacing and madamecacoon said it looks like a dinosaur and I think she's right!

Hey the plant didn't get smooshed and we put it in a glass on the window. It's not really doing anything yet but it looks still alive!

[yonjuunana.livejournal.com]

It's also really awesome and still a bizarre feeling to have somebody be able to look at me IRL and actually know what's going on inside my head. I keep coming back and reading this post over because it's fun. If you friendslocked it for my privacy, you don't have to, actually somewhat wish I could link to this.

My arms are still a bit sore today. XD

[pyraxis]

Okay, it's unlocked. :)

[yonjuunana.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

...

I think I might have left my bag with my toothbrush and stuff in your bathroom. *sigh* There's always something. XP If I did leave it, there is absolutely nothing in there that I particularly need or that can't be easily replaced, although it does have some earrings that I kinda like, so, er, send it if you are bored or happen to be at the post office, or hang onto it until one of us visits the other again, it doesn't really matter.

[pyraxis]

Wolf says we saw a roach the size of a mouse but there was no evidence that it had walked off with your toilet bag. But we killed it just in case. :P

I was actually watching cause I was worried you might forget it... it disappeared out of the bathroom the morning you left, and it's not in my room, so it must have gone with you in some form. But if it pops out of the ether somehow, I'll send it back in with a shove in your direction.

[yonjuunana.livejournal.com]

Oh, hahaha, I just found it! That makes life easier. I was worried I was going to forget it, too, and I couldn't find it this morning and realized I didn't remember getting out of the bathroom so I assumed I left it. But no, it was stuck at the bottom of one of my suitcase pockets. Yay.

Jim says he'd keep a roach the size of a mouse as a pet. :P

[jimnightmare.livejournal.com]

I'd take it for walks on a leash! :D

[yonjuunana.livejournal.com]

When we got back, we took the bus home at night and passed by the REI climbing rock, and they had it all lit up with orange lights. XD The thing is meant for you.

Somebody should make a climbing rock shaped like a colossus.

[yonjuunana.livejournal.com]

Somebody should make a climbing rock shaped like a colossus.

Oh wait, I suppose we do have one of those here. XD

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fremont_Troll

[pyraxis]

:D Yes!

lee likes to go back to old entries when he meets new people; and so, this.

[aubergine-pilot.livejournal.com]

So we followed you back over here.

This -

What kind of watered-down place teaches people that trying hard is forbidden? It's girls, mostly, but some guys too, geeks and emos and what-have-you. What kind of messed up system puts kids through ten years of compulsory gym and still spits out people that don't know how to use their bodies, how to pace themselves, how to develop strength, how to stand confidently in it?

?

It made Lief cry out incoherently and grab at the monitor. FINALLY! SOMEONE ELSE ASKING THOSE QUESTIONS! was what I could translate out of the jumble of emotions that collapsed on my head in the process. He gets frustrated by a lot of things here, and I think that's one of the biggest, the way this place just... rolls over people and doesn't teach them how to live.

(Seriously, what kind of world does do that to people?)

Re: lee likes to go back to old entries when he meets new people; and so, this.

[pyraxis]

That is the coolest thing anyone's said to me all week. :D

So I friended you guys. As a group, we're a pretty mixed bag in terms of attitudes and approaches to life, but tell Lief to do a search on the rsakk tag. There's a lot more where this came from. It drives both Daria and I nuts.

- Pyraxis