Blast from the past

[pyraxis]

(Stop. No fly,) Ua'sha repeated.

Shawmus landed on top of a nearby boulder, his massive wings folding around him.

(No hurt Fiona/Mother,) UaSha sent.

Fiona, sprawled amongst the rocks, tried to scramble to her feet, but her shaking arms slipped from underneath her. The little boy threw himself over her, growling deep in his throat. In another time and place she would have been shocked to hear that noise coming from a four year old child.

(Ua'sha - run - get away!) Fiona sent.

It wasn't a little boy then, but a wolf-cub, his paws braced awkwardly on the rock. A shadow fell over them both as Shawmus opened his beak to seize UaSha by the scruff.

Instead, a panicked streak of fur launched itself at him. His head arching back, Shawmus shrieked into the sky.

- The Water Song

Comments

[pyraxis]

A lot of times it starts with emotion. Like I've been pretty mentally blasted for the past few days, with no clear reason, and then tonight I ended up just lying on my couch and couldn't move - except physically I felt perfectly fine. Then it occurred to me to ask out loud, "Dar?" and after the third call, I got this really vivid image of her collapsed at the base of some tree, alone in the middle of virgin forest. And it kind of tore at me because I could feel living warmth from her body, firm/yielding like muscles under skin. I asked her, "Poison?" and the impression that came back was "No, just exhaustion." And that made it dissipate far enough to get up and write this.

Normally I talk to them by writing out conversations on paper, though. Or typing like IM. It's like IRL, I'm much more fluent in text than I am verbally.

And yeah, you're understanding right the bit about personal vortexes. Like take Dar and Fiona, they both have explosive tempers, and if they disagreed it might come to blows or worse, and I wouldn't want to splatter that all over your personal journal. Or Dar and Celesty - they started in the same story but even then they didn't get along, and now their lives have taken such divergent paths they can't even relate. They're both pretty intensely contemptuous of each other. Or Celesty and Fiona - they traveled together for a while in Water Song but disagreed about what to do, and Fiona started yelling, and Celesty just sat there and took it. That infuriated Fiona and she struck Celesty, and Celesty's too numbed out to even try to dodge. One of the other characters had to haul Fiona off by brute force. I don't want to facilitate that kind of abuse.

So yeah, lots of potential for conflict.

Daria and I - that one's harder to talk about, my respect for her. When I was a kid it was pure hero-worship. To come face to face and see her, and her see me, would only make me acutely aware of how much I've failed. I don't know what it would mean to her - oh. She's saying something about leadership and competition. For her it probably relates to this conundrum she's caught in, where she has the power to kill but not to make things better for her people.

[yonjuunana.livejournal.com]

Oh, I should clarify- When I say I talk with them, I'm not actually doing it out loud. It's more like I'm imagining myself talking to them, and I feel like I'm carrying on a normal conversation, but I deal with language differently in my head. Kind of difficult to explain how. It's like sentences are constantly repeating and revising themselves, sometimes it all falls apart into speech-sounds + meaning, sometimes the words come immediately with no changes needed. I'm used to thinking in this way, they all talk to me in this same way (writing helps me pin down language), but subjectively it feels to me like carrying on a normal conversation minus the difficulty of actually doing it out loud and in realtime.

I will be a bit weirded-out by meeting Sh-San face to face whenever he gets here. With the other Jiko it's pretty easy to meet them since they're... With people from the robot story, I've only known them for ~2 years and they're generally the sort of person that is easy to hang out with. I mean, we can sit around and watch movies and make dumb jokes together. Evan and I sort of have an understanding where we hardly ever talk to each other but both enjoy being around another person and not having to talk (btw, he's been watching everything in Yumeza but does not yet feel like interacting). But with Sh-San, I knew him when I was a kid, and it was definitely sort of hero-worship. Although we did interact a lot over the course of the story. Heck, I ended up living with him for several years at one point. But most of the time we were on different planets and just communicating through the technology he'd set up, and it was always very strange to actually encounter him in person. Opening up communication with him again has actually been pretty intense. He was my first jiko. And in a lot of ways it feels like getting back in touch with a family member I haven't seen in ages. It's even more intense to actually be letting any of this out of my head. It was never even supposed to be a story that was shown to anyone. I never tried to draw or write it when I was a kid because that would have been like admitting it was fictional and of course I knew, but I still didn't want to do it. Plus it felt too personal, because hey, it WAS since I was a character in it. Self-insert not so good for writing. Do I get Earth/Dreaming dual citizenship? :P

[pyraxis]

And I should have said this days ago, but yes - I think you do very well qualify for Earth-Dreaming dual citizenship. :D Glad you jumped the border, rather than finagling the politics to get official proper passports.

I know what you mean about the intensity, and I agree. It's totally awesome and scary to be able to do this openly.

I realized you didn't mean talking out loud. I rarely talk out loud, only in scattered circumstances and only when alone.