First of all, let me say two things- 1. I loved the originality of your story (more on that later), 2. I don't know much about programming/AI/etc so I'm trusting you know what your talking about when it comes to things of that nature.
Although I loved the story/theme/etc. the first paragraph was a hard one to get through. There are 5 'and's in two sentences for one thing. For another, it feels a bit boring, or unexciting, or something. I'm sorry I cannot be more specific, it just feels like it lacks the energy that the rest of the piece owns so wonderfully. It is almost as if the first paragraph you struggled with to put the setting and characters in order, but after that first paragraph you had no trouble going on from there. Do you get what I mean? I can't quite put my finger on why it feels that way, but I'm trying to explain it as best I can. The story might not start until the second paragraph.
I love the idea of the feedback loop. You put it in a way that clearly stated how Vihn felt about religion, while still being gentle enough not to offend.
“How's it coming, Vinh?” Mr. Reinhart didn't wait for a greeting, but strode right over to the worktable, stepping over cables and stray circuit boards as he came. Maybe it's the 6th grader trapped inside my head, but I snickered a bit at this (the same way one would in a class room where the teacher was trying to teach about Uranus). I'm not one hundred percent sure 'came' is the optimum word to be using here.
Mr. Reinhart leaned his elbow against the console. “You're giving me an ulcer, Vinh.” The dialog and the actions don't seem to quite agree with this. When I think of someone talking about getting ulcers I think of popping pills, swallowing mylanta/pepto bismol or rubbing their stomach. Even if he's using it as a figure of speech, most will over act it.
All in all, I really enjoyed your piece. There was a particular irony to it all, it felt very much like a proud parent watching their baby finally learning to walk after many bangs and bruises. Even Vihn's defensiveness of her speech protocols was parental. You can worry your child may need help with a particular issue, but if anyone else points it out, you get defensive. I the metaphor there between the creator's pride and defensiveness and parental pride and defensiveness.
Edit #2
Although I loved the story/theme/etc. the first paragraph was a hard one to get through. There are 5 'and's in two sentences for one thing. For another, it feels a bit boring, or unexciting, or something. I'm sorry I cannot be more specific, it just feels like it lacks the energy that the rest of the piece owns so wonderfully. It is almost as if the first paragraph you struggled with to put the setting and characters in order, but after that first paragraph you had no trouble going on from there. Do you get what I mean? I can't quite put my finger on why it feels that way, but I'm trying to explain it as best I can. The story might not start until the second paragraph.
I love the idea of the feedback loop. You put it in a way that clearly stated how Vihn felt about religion, while still being gentle enough not to offend.
“How's it coming, Vinh?” Mr. Reinhart didn't wait for a greeting, but strode right over to the worktable, stepping over cables and stray circuit boards as he came. Maybe it's the 6th grader trapped inside my head, but I snickered a bit at this (the same way one would in a class room where the teacher was trying to teach about Uranus). I'm not one hundred percent sure 'came' is the optimum word to be using here.
Mr. Reinhart leaned his elbow against the console. “You're giving me an ulcer, Vinh.” The dialog and the actions don't seem to quite agree with this. When I think of someone talking about getting ulcers I think of popping pills, swallowing mylanta/pepto bismol or rubbing their stomach. Even if he's using it as a figure of speech, most will over act it.
All in all, I really enjoyed your piece. There was a particular irony to it all, it felt very much like a proud parent watching their baby finally learning to walk after many bangs and bruises. Even Vihn's defensiveness of her speech protocols was parental. You can worry your child may need help with a particular issue, but if anyone else points it out, you get defensive. I the metaphor there between the creator's pride and defensiveness and parental pride and defensiveness.